U L T I M A T U M

I had an ultimatum thrown at me the other day, which really surprised me. I didn’t respond. Then the “thrower” of the ultimatum came back and asked why I didn’t respond, and all I said was, “Oh, but I did respond.” Their ultimatum backfired, and they were not prepared to live with the consequences.

An ultimatum is defined as a final, uncompromising demand or set of terms issued by a party. In modern Latin, the meaning is the last one or last possible. Some use ultimatums as requests backed up by a threat of consequences for noncompliance. Once the decision is made, the decision and its resulting consequences are permanent and irreversible.

Those are some pretty powerful words: noncompliance, last, permanent, irreversible, consequences, and threat. The problem with issuing an ultimatum is that there’s no turning back—unless you're willing to look like a fool. A statement like, “You better see that it is done by today or you are fired,” is pretty simple and straightforward to understand. But if they don’t finish the task and you don’t fire them, everyone will see your threat, demand, and ultimatum as empty words.

An anonymous person once said, “Avoid ultimatums – They are dramatic and can draw attention, but they can also get you into big trouble fast.” Those are wise words. In my opinion, diplomacy and ultimatums are at odds with each other; you can’t have both. It’s either one or the other. Diplomacy gives you options, whereas ultimatums come with consequences. Leaving yourself with no options, in most cases, doesn’t make a lot of sense. (Please note I said in most cases.)

Sometimes an ultimatum is necessary. If you’ve reached your limit and have decided you can live with the consequences should your demands not be met—if you’re willing to follow through with your threat and not look back—then go for it.

Sometimes it is necessary to draw a line in the sand and let your opposition, employee, or child know they can proceed no further with their current actions, or there will be consequences. Just make sure you are clear on two things:

1. Know what the consequences are

2. That you are prepared to deliver on those consequences

Some of the hardest decisions you will ever make in life are ultimatums, because usually, the consequences can hurt both parties.